A One Way Ticket To Hell, Please.
Knock knock knocking on heaven’s door…
Life is hard. True. But the afterlife
could be a bitch, too. Could be a place
without whiskey. Where frisky is frowned
upon. Where orgasms are perpetual so
go mostly unnoticed. Where all the women,
ALL the women, willingly wear yoga pants.
Where men have finally been pussified and
spend their endless hours discussing
deep feelings no one can stand to hear.
A place where even cats can talk and won’t
stop telling you what’s on their minds.
The trout are all huge, but never bite.
Beer is free but can’t be found.
The Internet is inside your head filled
with click bait and self help listicles.
No football or war so boredom reigns.
A place where the Clinton/Trump election
goes on eternally and there is only
one channel on TV. That’s so ugly. Ugh.
Everyone uses wings because the roads
are filled with Pennsylvania pot holes.
You can’t mind your business because
you have no business and you don’t mind.
Universal health care is available
because it’s cheap, no one ever gets sick.
There’s not the least scent of money so
the rich are at last taxed relentlessly.
All of the cops are impolite cassowaries.
Where even simple silence is censored.
You are free at last to think nothing.
Everything is perfect, bland and PC.
Finally, the horror, the horror…
not a cigarette or a drop of coffee.
Life’s imperfections are looking good.
Delay that departure for a while.
Not a heaven where you want to be.
If you like this piece, and can afford it, please consider donating.
Help keep me on my meds…
