I think your poem is the better, more vivid with sharper images and edges. I think it very well done. Strong writing.
As poets, we are eyes, but eyes that see from different angles, different perspectives. That is part of poetry’s power, to see a thing and present it from a unique point of view.
I am old enough to remember when the Rust Belt was the glory of America. The first place where working men and women, could earn decent livings. Within two generations, those people armed the world, defeated fascism, bought homes, raised families, and educated their children. They lived the American Dream. I am afraid that as the region has declined, so has America.
Perhaps the rust can still be cleaned from the region. Perhaps it can come back stronger. I hope so.
Thank you for noticing my work.