Ten Exciting, Awesome Steps You Can Take Tonight To Change Your Life Forever!


1. Drink Drano.
2. Call in a bomb threat
to Margo-a-Lago.
3. When your
(fill in blank)
asks if that dress
makes her ass
look fat, say yes.
4.Try to pet
a cassowary.
5. Schedule a spring
6. Take gluten
and fat free
donuts to a
police station.
7. French kiss a cobra.
8. Call the FBI
and tell them
you are D B Cooper.
9. Try to rape
a garbage disposal
10. Vow to never write
another listicle.

Honorary Schizophrenic. Recent refugee. Displaced person. Old white male. Confidant of cassowaries.

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